In the 2+ years after having these revelations and writing them down (on medium), my two “anchoring core values” remain strong guides for me. They are known to my family and my colleagues – which also helps to provide some external pressure, when needed, to stay true to them. I believe it is worthwhile for everyone to look inside themselves and uncover their own “anchoring core values” – if you find that mine resonate with you, you won’t be the first, as I think they’re fairly universal.
What are your anchors in times of uncertainty and vulnerability?
(originally published December 5, 2018)
For the past few months Iâve been using Blinkist to quickly capture the key ideas from great non-fiction books. I could write a whole story on how I validated that they do a good job with their âblinksâ and how it has improved my life, but that is not what I want to focus on today.
Today, I want to talk about an idea I heard while listening to the blinks for âDare to Leadâ by BrenĂ© Brown that made me stop the audio (running at 2X speed, of course) and start thinking. And more than thinking, introspecting and reflecting on past actions and situations. I considered how Iâve behaved, at my best and worst; how Iâve seen others act, both those I admire and those I avoid; and who I think the best version of me is.
I found this to be such a powerful, empowering, inspiring, and energizing process that I shared it with my sons (14 and 7) and will encourage them to go through the effort too. Similarly, Iâm writing this story so that I can share it with friends and acquaintances â and strangers too. I also want to have it in âblack and whiteâ for future re-reflection and personal accountability. Please indulge yourself in my storytelling â Iâve been told itâs good â and also embark on identifying your own anchors.
Stopped me in my track
As I mentioned, Iâve been loving listening to books on Blinkist for months. Generally, Iâll lie down in bed, close my eyes, and start listening to the audio with my full mind engaged. This really works for me as a way of learning, but every now and then, thereâs something in the Blinkist summary (the âblinksâ) that inspires me to do something with the idea, Right Now.
So was the case two nights ago.
In blink number 4 for âDare to Leadâ, Core values anchor and guide daring leadership, I had to stop the audio track and just start thinking about its meaning and application in my life. Every part of the blink had meaning and relevance, and the whole idea built in strength like a boulder rolling downhill.
Here are some key points (with commentary) from it:
Our values inform our judgments about what is most important in our lives. The most courageous leaders ⊠were those who had the most clarity about what their values were. During times of uncertainty and vulnerability, their values were an important support to them, a âNorth Starâ that helped guide them through periods of darkness.
“Blink number 4” of BrenĂ© Brown’s “Dare to Lead” (accessed December 4, 2018)
For whatever reason, my experience has been such that I am deeply aware of how the words and actions of people in the âgood timesâ often donât reflect their behavior in a âcrisisâ. This runs both ways, Iâve been surprised for both good and ill, but, unfortunately, the pain of the bad experiences can easily dominate our thoughts far more than the pleasant revelations. (Hey, I think that might be another jumping off point for a story about letting go of resentment, rejecting victimhood, and taking ownership of your future by focusing on the things you can control⊠anyway.)
Making a list of things that are highly important to us might be a straightforward exercise. When we whittle our list down to just two things, though, it really becomes useful. The author, for example, narrowed hers down to the key values of courage and faith. Why two? The authorâs research, derived from hundreds of interviews with global executive leaders, has found that most leaders identify ten or more core values. The leaders most willing to experience vulnerability and demonstrate courage, on the other hand, anchored themselves to no more than two.
“Blink number 4” of BrenĂ© Brown’s “Dare to Lead” (accessed December 4, 2018)
Two values are actionable â we can hold them in our conscious mind and we can rely on our subconscious to anchor to them and apply them even in when our conscious is consumed by stress or other thoughts. We can hold ourselves accountable for acting in accordance with our anchor values. With more than two, weâll have nothing more than âa meaningless list of words that make [us] feel good.â
Thinking, introspecting, reflectingâŠ
That night I didnât find any answers but just fell asleep with these ideas on my mind. I often let my subconscious mind loose on problems like this⊠âsleeping on itâ is a practice Iâve come to rely on đ
The next night, last night, I put my conscious mind to it again and came up with two core values: âstraightforwardnessâ and ârespect for othersâ.
I knew they werenât quite baked. I was onto something and headed down the right path, but I hadnât yet found the words that resonated.
Still, I was far enough along that I wrote down what I had and shared it with a close friend. I also wrote a note to my sons, for them to find in the morning (this is something I do with them sometimes), exposing them to the idea and encouraging them to think of their own core values. And then, I, you guessed it ⊠slept on it.
Digging it
I woke up about two hours after falling asleep and my unconscious had revealed a new thread to pull on.
More than respect
âRespect for othersâ was too shallow. It didnât capture all the ways I new I wanted to live and interact with others. But it was also something that I didnât believe I could live up toâthere are times when people lose my respect, what am I supposed to do then? How can I live this value in those situations?
So what was at the core of the idea I was scratching? What was it deep in my belief system that I was trying to describe with ârespect for othersâ? Almost as soon as I had asked this question, I had an answer: The Golden Rule.
Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
Mark 12:31
I know, it is kind of clichĂ©, and that it may seems juvenile as a core value. Shouldnât there be some smarter, more mature, less naĂŻve, explanation of this value to which I anchor myself? That kind of thinking is probably why I needed my unconscious to figure it out. However you put it, âdo unto others as you would have done to youâ, âtreat others as you would like to be treatedâ, âlove your neighbor as yourselfâ⊠this is what is in my heart and how I want to live. Its simplicity and lack of nuance makes it challenging to liveâas I think a core value should beâand it is a fountain of wise guidance accessible and applicable to any situation.
Then what else is down there?
Having identified The Golden Rule as my first anchoring core value, it was obvious that âstraightforwardnessâ was one of those traits that can come from the âfountain of wise guidanceâ. Which, of course, leads to the question of what is my second anchoring core value?
I didnât just drop âstraightforwardnessâ, however. There was some reason it had originally surfaced among the other things that could have âbubbledâ out of the direction I get from The Golden Rule. So, what else was it that was being pointed to by âstraightforwardnessâ?
My subconscious must have been at work here too, as it didnât take long for me to connect âstraightforwardnessâ to the âconfronting the brutal factsâ part of The Stockdale Paradox.
I had been exposed to The Stockdale Paradox while studying âGood to Greatâ by Jim Collins in a leadership course I took many years ago. The instructor in that class always worked to draw lines between approaches for business success and those for personal success. The Stockdale Paradox, which I internalized as âyou must confront the brutal facts of your current reality while never losing faith that things will turn out in the endâ, has often guided me in challenging times. And that is just what I was looking for as an anchoring core value.
My Precious ⊠do you know yours?
As I said, this process, and the firm knowledge I now have about myself, was so empowering, inspiring, and energizing that I felt a need to share it. Having âunearthedâ and articulated The Golden Rule and The Stockdale Paradox as my anchoring core values, I feel like Iâve found some precious gems. Iâm happy to have these principles identified to evaluate myself against in the future, and also to know that I found them deep inside of me already operating to try to guide my actions.
Similarly, repeating where I began, I hope you enjoyed my story and that youâre inspired to find your own anchoring core values to help you become the best version of yourself.
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